someone threw a dead crab at me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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