you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
