I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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