His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
how drunk are you?
Several
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
