don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
