Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
