It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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