i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
