I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
