She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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