wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
