My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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