peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
