When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
