happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I will pee on everything he values.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
