Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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