I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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