I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
