But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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