We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
