First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
