I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i believe in u and ur pee
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
