there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
