worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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