Do you still have your period?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
