I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
