I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
