Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
