OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
