I seem to have left my pride at pride
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
