Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
