Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize