Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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