her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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