why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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