i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
