Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
