trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
