Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
