mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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