She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
