Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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