All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
