the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
