I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
