If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I believe in your delicious
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
