oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize