R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize