I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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