if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
