he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
