When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
