i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You have to summon your inner elephant
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
