Where is the hickey?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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