Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
