I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
