Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
