What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
