god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
