The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
