Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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