Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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