Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
