dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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