dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I touched a dick in church today
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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