Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
