drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My vagina is officially offended.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
