I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
