I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
