I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
